In my personality, I believe that everything happens for a reason. It's the optimistic side of me. I've had many failures in life that have taught me lessons and some I still don't know why they turned out the way they did, but I stayed optimistic. This was not the case with my most recent injury and fatigue. I felt skeptical and frustrated with life and, more importantly, frustrated with God. I couldn't comprehend why God would take away my greatest passion in life. Now, things lead me to belief that I had more to gain by this fall and I definitely came through for the better.
When I started running, I did it more recreationally and had a lot of fun with the social aspect of XC. I was good for the team, being the number 2 man, but it's all relative to the team you are on, which happened to be one of the worst teams in the state. At this time, running hardly consumed my life. A part of me wishes that I started my freshman year and got more competitive earlier, but, as my personality does, I reminded myself that everything happens for a reason.
So, summer before junior year rolls around and I jump from running 20 miles a week to 40+ a week, and yielded great results... for a little while. I had developed a great passion for running and was determined to be the best. I went into the season with the goal of being right behind my teammate (the defending district champ). I did everything I could to achieve my goal. I ran my workouts really well and was really strong, did a lot of core work in my spare time, spent a long time stretching, and was really concerned with having a proper diet. I ran way too hard during the summer, preparing myself to be the best runner in the district. I set PRs in open summer races, was nailing workouts, and finally earned some peoples' respect. I went into the second race of the season and PRed by a little over a minute for a 5k. I was ecstatic, and it put my in the top-10 in my district. That was the highest (or lowest I guess) that I ever got. I didn't run that fast again, and still haven't. I ran a few seconds slower the next week and from then on I never was close. I pushed myself to be a champion over night. I ran really hard every day of the summer and expected to see results right away. Running, and the obsessive lifestyle that came along with it, became an addiction. I was running for all the wrong reasons: the accolades and the times instead of the pure enjoyment of worshipping God for the ability he has given me. Don't get me wrong, to be a competitive distance runner, or anything for that matter, you have to go for times and the accolades if you want to run well, but my situation was different. My happiness depended on the times I was running and the places I was finishing. This called for times of depression, but nothing major. I had set the goal to be right behind my district champion teammate and qualify for state. Things didn't play out like I had hoped; I had finished a mere 19th, 9 or 10 spots from qualifying. And I finished 3rd on the team. I remember walking away from everyone, purposefully alienating myself from everyone because I was so frustrated and depressed with myself.
Winter came, and I still hadn't learned my lesson, because I was still running for myself and not praising God for this amazing gift he has given me. I came down with something wrong with my ankle. Maybe a strained ligament.. the doctors never figured it out. With some physical therapy and time to rest, it finally went away... only after I came down with tendonitis in my foot--a runner's worst nightmare. I was confined only to biking and was cleared to run probably about a month before track started. I was still shallow and continued to run selfishly. Things went mediocrely, and by the time mid-track season came around, I strain my hamstring. And here I am. Still recovering from this hamstring snafu.
It's so easy to fall into the trap of running for myself and having shallow motivations. During Spring Break, while on a run in Auburn, California along a beautiful trail along side the brink of a "river" I had the most intimate time with God that I've ever experienced. Basically, I just talked to him and prayed to him for the whole 3 miles or so, and honestly, the run felt so euphoric and effortless that I started to cry while shivers escalated through my body. All I could do was thank him for the beautiful gift of life. However, back to my normal life routine, including school and regular (competitive) track practices, I quickly fell back into that trap, leading to nothing good.
God has given me many reasons to give running up and many times I've questioned what I was doing, or what I was doing wrong, and whether that running was the right thing for me. A good friend told me today, and I wish I could remember it exactly (it was probably much more eloquent than what I'll say), "We shouldn't ever have to worry, because if we put all our faith and trust in God, everything will work out for the best." I believe that to be 100% true.
So here I stand, beat-up and defeated, but more faithful and wiser. I have fallen, but more importantly, I have gotten back up and I will never give up on running.
P.S. Here is a video from my greatest role model, Olympic marathoner Ryan Hall, and is one of the videos I turn to when I need to refresh myself who I am truly running for.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Personal Nature
Last night was one of those nights where, in spite of my fatigue and relaxed state, I could not sleep because of the many thoughts going through my head. I have a feeling that I would have never fallen asleep if I hadn't gotten up to write all this stuff down. Now, I'm a firm believer in the fact that electronics such as computer screens and Television sets stimulate the mind, therefore causing one to have trouble falling asleep, or in some cases, not sleeping restfully. I had probably both those experiences due to the fact that I woke up feeling like I hadn't slept at all.
I was thinking about all the times when I think that the answer or most logical choice is right in front of me, and yet, I ignore it and try for something else. I don't know why, but it is completely in my nature to never settle for something that comes easily. Ever since I could remember, I was setting my goals as high as the stars and I wouldn't rest until I accomplished my goals or at least knew that I did all I could for one day. Call it what you'd like. Some might say it's respectable while others would say that it's foolish. I tend to agree...
Sometimes, this works out and some times it really screws me over. And I mean it. Seriously, I've been way screwed over by my personality as of late. 4 months ago, we (Sprague) had a dual meet against McNary at McNary high school. Despite feeling a little tired and all, I still managed to set a huge PR in the 3000. Despite my happiness at the result, I ignored my contentment and decided to go out for another medium-hard training run later that night, figuring that I felt good then so why not take advantage of that and do what none of my competitors would do. I slept a couple more hours that night, only to wake up at the typical 5:45 and go for a hilly 2 mile run. It felt so good and I was really ecstatic about how my racing was going. I knew that I'd be on the podium come district time. My hopes for that were dashed by the afternoon, when I came down with bad knee pains while out on another run. No matter how I stretched the knee did not feel any better. I jogged back, cutting my run short, and immediately saw the trainer. I can't remember what she said that day, but I remember going to see her about everyday and we finally decided that it was probably hamstring strain of some kind. I still ran on it. 4 months later, here I am, MRI results back: Partially torn medial hamstring. The area in which the calves, hamstrings, quads, and adductors connect. I undoubtedly made it worse in the last 4 months, instead of just letting it heal.
Although I can't see a logical connection between my hamstring and my fatigue, I can't help but notice that I started feeling the first wave of bad fatigue around the same time as my hamstring (was it a strain at the time? or did I tear it originally?). I am convinced though, if I had been in better health (I still PRed in the district meet with a strained hamstring and fatigue problems) I would've been on the podium in both events.
I'm going through one of these predicaments myself right now and it's not concerned with running, despite the fact that I'm injured and likely out for the whole cross country season. This mentality and personal nature isn't just with my running. It occurs in all areas of life. Whether it be academics, athletics, or relationships, I always strive to be the best. I can think of many times where this personality trait has hurt me, but I will never be broken.
I was thinking about all the times when I think that the answer or most logical choice is right in front of me, and yet, I ignore it and try for something else. I don't know why, but it is completely in my nature to never settle for something that comes easily. Ever since I could remember, I was setting my goals as high as the stars and I wouldn't rest until I accomplished my goals or at least knew that I did all I could for one day. Call it what you'd like. Some might say it's respectable while others would say that it's foolish. I tend to agree...
Sometimes, this works out and some times it really screws me over. And I mean it. Seriously, I've been way screwed over by my personality as of late. 4 months ago, we (Sprague) had a dual meet against McNary at McNary high school. Despite feeling a little tired and all, I still managed to set a huge PR in the 3000. Despite my happiness at the result, I ignored my contentment and decided to go out for another medium-hard training run later that night, figuring that I felt good then so why not take advantage of that and do what none of my competitors would do. I slept a couple more hours that night, only to wake up at the typical 5:45 and go for a hilly 2 mile run. It felt so good and I was really ecstatic about how my racing was going. I knew that I'd be on the podium come district time. My hopes for that were dashed by the afternoon, when I came down with bad knee pains while out on another run. No matter how I stretched the knee did not feel any better. I jogged back, cutting my run short, and immediately saw the trainer. I can't remember what she said that day, but I remember going to see her about everyday and we finally decided that it was probably hamstring strain of some kind. I still ran on it. 4 months later, here I am, MRI results back: Partially torn medial hamstring. The area in which the calves, hamstrings, quads, and adductors connect. I undoubtedly made it worse in the last 4 months, instead of just letting it heal.
Although I can't see a logical connection between my hamstring and my fatigue, I can't help but notice that I started feeling the first wave of bad fatigue around the same time as my hamstring (was it a strain at the time? or did I tear it originally?). I am convinced though, if I had been in better health (I still PRed in the district meet with a strained hamstring and fatigue problems) I would've been on the podium in both events.
I'm going through one of these predicaments myself right now and it's not concerned with running, despite the fact that I'm injured and likely out for the whole cross country season. This mentality and personal nature isn't just with my running. It occurs in all areas of life. Whether it be academics, athletics, or relationships, I always strive to be the best. I can think of many times where this personality trait has hurt me, but I will never be broken.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Revisitation of Paychecks and Politics
You know, it's amazing how much money can make me question my believes. By amazing, I mean crazy and pathetic, but it's very true. I'm definitely not the only one either, but that's a different story.
I got my third paycheck from work two days ago. If you know me, you probably know that I work at BPM physical therapy, rated the best physical therapy clinic on the west coast for the fifth year in a row by Time Magazine. http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/0,28757,1730759,00.html. Anyway, I got my pay check and after 40 hours of hard work and dedication, two full days of work were taken out by taxes. Immediately I thought: "I HATE TAXES!!!" I know this will strike up some disagreements and what not but this is why I have a blog of my own. The story doesn't end here though. Here's how I feel:
-I'm in favor of taxes supporting the elderly or disabled (ones who physically cannot work), so social security going to help these people... right on. They've done their share.
-I'm in favor of taxes that support the people who seriously try to make a living for themselves but fall short. I wish I could think of an example for this but honestly I cannot. Seriously though, I don't know why people wouldn't be able to get jobs. Especially if they are adults. There area lot of menial jobs available. For instance, when I see "homeless" people around Salem (which I don't buy for a second), holding signs asking for money it makes me wonder, "Oh, they're holding signs begging for money. Verizon Wireless is a block away and they could actually earn minimum wage to hold a sign. There are also a bunch of home building companies that offer the same deal." But no, they are too lazy to subject themselves to commitment.
-I am against the taxes of the middle class going towards people who watch their TVs in their over grown "lawns" while sitting in beat up reclining chairs next to a refrigerator full of beer. Here's a story and food for thought. My sister used to work at Northern Lights Theatre Pub. One day, a guy came in appearing very sloppy, turning in an incomplete and sloppy job application. My sister asked him if he was serious, and he told her that all he needed to do was turn in job applications so that he could get paid for unemployment. He didn't want the job, he just wanted to be a leech to society and steal hard-working people's money.
I realized the amount of taxes taken out of my paycheck isn't even close to being worth complaining about, it's more the principle of the hard working middle class people who are cheated out of hard earned money because other parasites siphon it away.
My sister told me the other day that she heard someone say on the radio that Democrats and Liberals were ones for helping children, women, and the less fortunate (AKA Humanitarians), whereas Republicans and Conservatives are classified as ambitious people in business and something else (AKA selfish greedy people). At first glance I said, "Well, that's kind of true." But it's a left wing generalization intending to make the other side of the spectrum look bad. Would you say that my right leaning sister who's a bilingual elementary school teacher in a less fortunate area would not be one for helping children and the less fortunate. I don't think so.
Regarding politics, I found that I have a really hard time supporting anyone for president because I believe in far-fetched ideas (see first entry), and it's hard to determine what politicians actually believe. I just want to say a couple things.
-Barack Obama has spent more time campaigning for president than he actually has been in office. It doesn't seem like he's come forward with his beliefs. I definitely respect him for keeping morale high in this country, but I can't help but feel that people may be blindly supporting him.
-John McCain was involved in the Keating 5. Wikipedia it if you don't know what that was. Scandel in the past could just be a foreshadowing to a disastrous presidency. I can't say for either of them. We'll just have to wait and see.
Peace be with you all.
I got my third paycheck from work two days ago. If you know me, you probably know that I work at BPM physical therapy, rated the best physical therapy clinic on the west coast for the fifth year in a row by Time Magazine. http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/0,28757,1730759,00.html. Anyway, I got my pay check and after 40 hours of hard work and dedication, two full days of work were taken out by taxes. Immediately I thought: "I HATE TAXES!!!" I know this will strike up some disagreements and what not but this is why I have a blog of my own. The story doesn't end here though. Here's how I feel:
-I'm in favor of taxes supporting the elderly or disabled (ones who physically cannot work), so social security going to help these people... right on. They've done their share.
-I'm in favor of taxes that support the people who seriously try to make a living for themselves but fall short. I wish I could think of an example for this but honestly I cannot. Seriously though, I don't know why people wouldn't be able to get jobs. Especially if they are adults. There area lot of menial jobs available. For instance, when I see "homeless" people around Salem (which I don't buy for a second), holding signs asking for money it makes me wonder, "Oh, they're holding signs begging for money. Verizon Wireless is a block away and they could actually earn minimum wage to hold a sign. There are also a bunch of home building companies that offer the same deal." But no, they are too lazy to subject themselves to commitment.
-I am against the taxes of the middle class going towards people who watch their TVs in their over grown "lawns" while sitting in beat up reclining chairs next to a refrigerator full of beer. Here's a story and food for thought. My sister used to work at Northern Lights Theatre Pub. One day, a guy came in appearing very sloppy, turning in an incomplete and sloppy job application. My sister asked him if he was serious, and he told her that all he needed to do was turn in job applications so that he could get paid for unemployment. He didn't want the job, he just wanted to be a leech to society and steal hard-working people's money.
I realized the amount of taxes taken out of my paycheck isn't even close to being worth complaining about, it's more the principle of the hard working middle class people who are cheated out of hard earned money because other parasites siphon it away.
My sister told me the other day that she heard someone say on the radio that Democrats and Liberals were ones for helping children, women, and the less fortunate (AKA Humanitarians), whereas Republicans and Conservatives are classified as ambitious people in business and something else (AKA selfish greedy people). At first glance I said, "Well, that's kind of true." But it's a left wing generalization intending to make the other side of the spectrum look bad. Would you say that my right leaning sister who's a bilingual elementary school teacher in a less fortunate area would not be one for helping children and the less fortunate. I don't think so.
Regarding politics, I found that I have a really hard time supporting anyone for president because I believe in far-fetched ideas (see first entry), and it's hard to determine what politicians actually believe. I just want to say a couple things.
-Barack Obama has spent more time campaigning for president than he actually has been in office. It doesn't seem like he's come forward with his beliefs. I definitely respect him for keeping morale high in this country, but I can't help but feel that people may be blindly supporting him.
-John McCain was involved in the Keating 5. Wikipedia it if you don't know what that was. Scandel in the past could just be a foreshadowing to a disastrous presidency. I can't say for either of them. We'll just have to wait and see.
Peace be with you all.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Ain't No Cure for the Summertime Blues
Yesterday was a packed day. I'm not going to lie, it was one of the 3(?) days or so that I actually had something going on all day. It was great. I endured through swimming at the courthouse in the morning, eating pizza for lunch, going to Bridgeport Village for a 3D movie (and grabbing multiple free samples along the way... from the same place...), going to Niketown (and not buying anything!...), dinner at Fuddruckers (oh my goodness that place is amazing), and other various stops that are unimportant to say, only to get back at 9:00 or so. We packed a whole day worth of quality stuff into 9 hours. My parents put on the movie called War of the Worlds, you know, the one with Tom Cruise. It's a good movie, but I've seen it before. SPOILER!! I really hate the ending in that movie. It's soooooooo anti-climactic. Towards the end, the Protaganist, Ray (Cruise) gets captured by the Strider after his daughter is too. The strider trys to pull him into the disgusting orafice of doom, but all the other captives pull him out . . . after he slips a grenade in there! Booyah, now that's awesome. So Ray destroys the strider in a very heroic fashion. The next day, they learn that the Striders became weak and that their forcefields became weak, so the army brought them down quite easily. We learn that the aliens became infected by earth's water and air. So basically, Ray kicks the striders butt in heroic fashion, only to learn that they were going to die anyway the next day. So lame!!
Anyway, back to the course of my day. Of course, the first thing I did when I got home was check my facebook to see if anything interesting happened.. Now, I don't remember, but I'm thinking no. Anyway, I saw that there were a few people I wanted to talk to. I realized that my teammates who went to Steens Mountain Running Camp were back because one of them was online and her status read "Had the best time runnin' at Steen's." Spacing out on the date, I realized that I was really anxious to talk to her. By the way, I used anxious correctly in context, and it's not synonomous with eager.
I was anxious for various reasons: I definitely expressed concern for one of my teammates who went. She had been coming to the physical therapy clinic that I work at because of shin splints and tight calves. She's had some rough seasons as well and definitely hasn't been able to run consistantly well. Luckily, she made it through all right, relieving me of that worry.
However, most of all, it was because I was so looking forward to that camp. I had all my registration stuff done during the track season. I can't remember if it was before my first bout with the fatigue that is now making my life more difficult and frustrating than I hoped. I remember that first day that I started experiencing this fatigue. I was in Coos Bay for the Prefontaine Invitational at Marshfield High School. I went on some warmup runs with the varsity guys and I remember just getting WAY TOO tired. I tried to shake it off and just tell myself that it was because I've just been sitting around all meet. "I'm ready to go. I'm in great shape." Well I wasn't in great shape. I had just injured my knee the week before and was stuck to riding a stationary bike for the whole week before running that race. I had run the day before the race and felt really out of sync and rhythm. It was terrible. But then, I took off my shoes and ran some strides barefoot, which really straightened things out. However, the same agenda didn't work for me on the day of the race. I had looked forward to running a FAST 3k on this day ever since the first day of track. I saw that Jared Bassett from Marshfield was on the heat sheet and I knew he'd take things out fast. With all of the prerace jitters, I did some strides before having to stop because they made me sooooo tired. At this point I was kinda worried. I stopped and just tried to relax before the gun. The starter was great and had a hilarious sense of humor. When we gathered at the start he said "Welcome to the women's polevault," even though it was the men's 3k and it wasn't even close to the polevault pit, "I'm sorry though, but this doesn't mean you get to into the girl's locker room." It was nice to have a guy who could loosen everyone up. However, I wouldn't stay that way for long. The gun went off and I passed 400 right on pace, and then things got worse. Josue was able to effortlessly pull away from me as he had done all season while my lanky self struggled with every step. At around 1k, I found myself in no-man's land, where I always had found myself. Just back end of the pack with no one to run with. At that point, I realized that I just had nothing in the tank. Every step became a struggle and I felt like a walking skeleton. My muscles were unresponsive and my face was pale as a ghost. I finished that race in 10:17, by no means a bad time, but I know I could've been a district finalist if I hadn't gone through all of this fatigue. I ended up feeling worse as the season finished up. The last 3k I ever ran was hell and it's not one that I ever want to talk about with anyone or definitely anyone who watched me suffer through 71/2 laps of agony. I still PRed though.
I'm sorry for the digression. I thought I'd let you all know where this all started. Despite all of this struggle, I pushed through anyway. I would feel good for maybe two days at a time and then feel like complete crap another day. Still, I perservered. Finally, I was hurt by incomparable fatigue on Tuesday July 8, when I couldn't finish a 2.2 mile run comfortably. At that point, I had no strength left in me, and everyday I had no strength to stand for a period of time.
I had looked forward to Steens for a year. It had been my plan to go since last xc season. My registration was ready and I was excited. Soon, I found everything crumbling around me. My running ability dropped to nonexistant, I was tired all the time, my hamstrings are still bothering me, and the camp director for Steens, Harland Yriarte (Great guy. He really is!), made the decision that I couldn't go. At the time when he said I couldn't go, I was a pretty emotional wreck, so this made me very sad, but even still, it was easier to accept. I knew that I wouldn't be able to run let alone at an almost elite level camp. However, talking to my teammate upon her return from camp confirmed everything that I had dreamed of about the camp, and I hate to say it (I really do) but it made me sick with disappointment. I had so desperately wanted to form strong friendships with runners who share the same committment as I do from all around the state and other parts of the country. If you know me or have read my previous blogs, you'll know that I'm not too happy with my team because they lack dedication and passion. I knew that Steens would be loaded with fine individuals like that. Despite my fantastic day, this made me incredibly sad. So, in a selfish way, it was really difficult to hear how great the camp was and see pictures of my teammates with new friends and smiling faces. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, I'm very happy for my teammates. I just wish that I could have been with them.
Later.
Anyway, back to the course of my day. Of course, the first thing I did when I got home was check my facebook to see if anything interesting happened.. Now, I don't remember, but I'm thinking no. Anyway, I saw that there were a few people I wanted to talk to. I realized that my teammates who went to Steens Mountain Running Camp were back because one of them was online and her status read "Had the best time runnin' at Steen's." Spacing out on the date, I realized that I was really anxious to talk to her. By the way, I used anxious correctly in context, and it's not synonomous with eager.
I was anxious for various reasons: I definitely expressed concern for one of my teammates who went. She had been coming to the physical therapy clinic that I work at because of shin splints and tight calves. She's had some rough seasons as well and definitely hasn't been able to run consistantly well. Luckily, she made it through all right, relieving me of that worry.
However, most of all, it was because I was so looking forward to that camp. I had all my registration stuff done during the track season. I can't remember if it was before my first bout with the fatigue that is now making my life more difficult and frustrating than I hoped. I remember that first day that I started experiencing this fatigue. I was in Coos Bay for the Prefontaine Invitational at Marshfield High School. I went on some warmup runs with the varsity guys and I remember just getting WAY TOO tired. I tried to shake it off and just tell myself that it was because I've just been sitting around all meet. "I'm ready to go. I'm in great shape." Well I wasn't in great shape. I had just injured my knee the week before and was stuck to riding a stationary bike for the whole week before running that race. I had run the day before the race and felt really out of sync and rhythm. It was terrible. But then, I took off my shoes and ran some strides barefoot, which really straightened things out. However, the same agenda didn't work for me on the day of the race. I had looked forward to running a FAST 3k on this day ever since the first day of track. I saw that Jared Bassett from Marshfield was on the heat sheet and I knew he'd take things out fast. With all of the prerace jitters, I did some strides before having to stop because they made me sooooo tired. At this point I was kinda worried. I stopped and just tried to relax before the gun. The starter was great and had a hilarious sense of humor. When we gathered at the start he said "Welcome to the women's polevault," even though it was the men's 3k and it wasn't even close to the polevault pit, "I'm sorry though, but this doesn't mean you get to into the girl's locker room." It was nice to have a guy who could loosen everyone up. However, I wouldn't stay that way for long. The gun went off and I passed 400 right on pace, and then things got worse. Josue was able to effortlessly pull away from me as he had done all season while my lanky self struggled with every step. At around 1k, I found myself in no-man's land, where I always had found myself. Just back end of the pack with no one to run with. At that point, I realized that I just had nothing in the tank. Every step became a struggle and I felt like a walking skeleton. My muscles were unresponsive and my face was pale as a ghost. I finished that race in 10:17, by no means a bad time, but I know I could've been a district finalist if I hadn't gone through all of this fatigue. I ended up feeling worse as the season finished up. The last 3k I ever ran was hell and it's not one that I ever want to talk about with anyone or definitely anyone who watched me suffer through 71/2 laps of agony. I still PRed though.
I'm sorry for the digression. I thought I'd let you all know where this all started. Despite all of this struggle, I pushed through anyway. I would feel good for maybe two days at a time and then feel like complete crap another day. Still, I perservered. Finally, I was hurt by incomparable fatigue on Tuesday July 8, when I couldn't finish a 2.2 mile run comfortably. At that point, I had no strength left in me, and everyday I had no strength to stand for a period of time.
I had looked forward to Steens for a year. It had been my plan to go since last xc season. My registration was ready and I was excited. Soon, I found everything crumbling around me. My running ability dropped to nonexistant, I was tired all the time, my hamstrings are still bothering me, and the camp director for Steens, Harland Yriarte (Great guy. He really is!), made the decision that I couldn't go. At the time when he said I couldn't go, I was a pretty emotional wreck, so this made me very sad, but even still, it was easier to accept. I knew that I wouldn't be able to run let alone at an almost elite level camp. However, talking to my teammate upon her return from camp confirmed everything that I had dreamed of about the camp, and I hate to say it (I really do) but it made me sick with disappointment. I had so desperately wanted to form strong friendships with runners who share the same committment as I do from all around the state and other parts of the country. If you know me or have read my previous blogs, you'll know that I'm not too happy with my team because they lack dedication and passion. I knew that Steens would be loaded with fine individuals like that. Despite my fantastic day, this made me incredibly sad. So, in a selfish way, it was really difficult to hear how great the camp was and see pictures of my teammates with new friends and smiling faces. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, I'm very happy for my teammates. I just wish that I could have been with them.
Later.
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